POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IN BA

If you have not read the introduction of the book “Che, boludo” yet, let me quote for you an excerpt:

“Argentines love to talk. They comunicate directly, openly and often loudly. In Argentina, there’s no taboo in the use of foul language. A respectable old woman will swear like a sailor and no one bats an eye. Fools are not suffered lightly and anyone behaving in a pretentious or obnoxious manner will be sharply reprimended, sometimes with just a simple gesture of the hands. Political correctness does not exist on Argentina because it would only impede getting your point across. (…) It is evident when Argentines communicate with one another that their freedom of speech is real.”

Well… Sounds great, doesn´t it? And it is even plausible at first sight. However… I think it might be a little bit too much. If porteños were like this man describes, things here would be much better than they actually are.

Is that true that political correctness does not exist?

I do think that getting your point across is important in Argentine speech. There is no problem in calling things by its name; avoiding this is making it shameful. It feels like someone trying not to say a bad word.

We do often use the imperative form instead of other softer choices like the conditional tense, etc.

It is also true that we are seldom formal, neither in speech nor behavior. In Buenos Aires, “usted” form is also used with old people, and not always to be polite. We kiss more and more, even in an work interview.

Nevertheless, this does not necessarily mean that there is no political correctness. I think political correctness in Buenos Aires is never a matter of  vocabulary or grammar.

I always remember a story told to me by an ex-student. She was at a disco and she had asked a man to take a picture of her and her friends. At some moment, he let her camera fall, and she said (trying to sound understanding) “Eh, boludo!” She could not understand why he got angry.

Yes, “boludo” does have a lot of meanings but the whole issue is about how you pronouce it.

So, in Buenos Aires, you can be extremely polite using “bad words” or very insulting just using a common one, even a “good” one, because what we perceive afterwards is the intention.

As you see, things are not as perfect as they might seem ¡Ojo!

MALE CHAUVINISTIC WOMEN

It is well known -or at least quite known- that Argentinian men are male chauvinist (you girls only need some minutes walking around the streets of BA to confirm it).

However, -like yin & yang- women behave consequenly.

It might seem that women here hate the way men are. Their speech (women´s, I mean) is often full of pejorative expressions about ellos. It´s frequent to listen girls saying that “men are all the same: liar, cheater, insensitive, womanizer, etc., etc.”.  At first sight (specially if you have spent some time here), they sound convincing but, if you read between the lines, it is an undercover way to accept a certain role.

On the one hand, supporting this statements confirms a role as victim. Saying “men are all bad” implies that women are virtuous and good by nature but poor victims who can´t do anything to fight vile men.

On the other hand, depite complaining, chauvinism is accepted. Things like men paying the bill, women cooking for their partners, clearing the table and doing the washing up while men comfortably watches tv; women washing and ironing men´s clothes; advertisements where a submissive woman dances and sings while happyly washing all the family´s clothes… all that kind of things -insulting in other countries- are not even taken as a light offense for not few women.

I am not trying to be judgemental but making a point. It is always useful to know the whole panorama.

FREUD vs. TANGO… DRAW?

The reason why BA is one of the cities where people go into therapy the most is uncertain. Is it a consequence of our personality or -instead- are we now a result of what once was a social trend?
The only thing that I can speak about is what I have found to be true. Given this point, I am going to talk about how this state of affairs is present throughout porteños´ daily life.

Once, while talking to an English therapist, he told me that saying “patient” to a “client” would be politically incorrect because “patient” implies that they are crazy. This brings me to the first difference I can think of: we don´t go to the psychologist because we think we are crazy.

In these fetishistic times we have turned everything into objects-no matter if it´s a thing, an idea, a feeling or a person-. Everything is put there to be admired or criticized but not to be experienced. We have created a vacuum between us and the world surrounding us. In this context, anguish, frustration, depression, dissatisfaction, etc. are common occurences and every culture looks for a different way to fill that feeling of emptiness.

What is the first thing we do when we are at a crossroads in our lives and we have to make an important decision or when we feel we just can´t go on by ourselves? We start therapy. We are convinced that we are self-saboteur and that we need an objective and qualified opinion to guide our acts for a stretch of our lifes. Have you ever seen one of those paintings you can´t understand if you stand too close to it but, as you move away, it starts to make sense?  For us, therapy is a dual way -distancing and introspection- to find out what really makes us happy.

To achive this goal, a short treatment is not enough. Things that you unconsciously drag throughout your life cannot be analized and corrected in a month. It takes years.

That´s how our therapist goes on to be an important part in our life. Much more than an ordinary doctor, they almost become a lifelong friend. We talk of what our psychologist said just as you would talk of what your mother or a friend said, and their criteria is even more reliable.

As you probably guessed, psychological vocabulary is everywhere in porteños´ speech. An actual therapist would not dare to use as many technical concepts as ordinary people do.

It is all part of the local color.

INTERCULTURAL LOVE

Compiling my own experience on the subject and my students´, I have learnt -at least- one thing: men and women are the same all around the world… but they are also different.

The scope of the problem exceeds the language matter.

The first sensation about people from another culture is often exoticism. Everything is new and attractive: Latinamerican guys show their feelings!, Germans are less male chauvinisctic!, Americans leave their parents´home at 18!, you have to kiss everybody in BA!, the French cook amazingly!, porteños are so clothes-conscious!,  Swedes are so blond!, Mexican so dark!, etc., etc… At first it seems as though these new people have everything our own don´t.

After a while it may start to raise the feeling of something missing. Even if both speak each others language fluently , nuances may still remain unknown. I´m talking about humour, body language, irony, prosody… in a nutshell, the distance between what you say and what you actually communicate.

Just to mention a few examples of BA: the simple fact of a man inviting a woman for a dinner has flirting connotations here; a woman dancing with her back close toward a man´s front -like hip hop dancing- is an open invitation to have sex; if a girl is not even kissed on the first date she will think that he didn´t like her; if a girl says “no”, that might mean “yes” depending on the intonation; if a man you dated on Saturday didn´t call you yet, wait until Wednesday to consider it to be concluded; and so on…

And I am only talking about “courtship”. Just imagine the scene in a  whole relationship! wrong interpretations, misunderstandings, etc.

I´m not saying it can´t work. However, if you are starting a relationship with somebody from a different culture, don´t take anything for granted. Don´t try to drop a hint or take one as with a “fellow countryman” unless you are sure about how it works for the other person. Otherwise, choose the direct way. Synchronize what you mean with what you say and be patient.

It might be an interesting experiment.  

How to squeeze your advantages as foreigner over locals (Coming soon)

LIVING with LOCALS

Many people move to Buenos Aires to immerse in a different culture. They not only plan to study Spanish but also to lead an ordinary life, just like natives here. This is why they don´t want to live in hostels or with other tourists; they want to work, have Argentinian friends, speak as much Spanish as possible, etc. In order to achieve this aim, they start to look for a place to share with some Argentinian people. Nevertheless, after a time looking for the best places to stay, they find out that it is harder than they had thought. Why?

 

As I see it, there are 2 main factors: one, cultural; the other one, economical.  

On the one hand, porteños -as descendant of Italy- have a very strong idea of family unity. In most of the cases mums want their little babies to stay at home as long as possible. Children, in consequence, do not feel the need to leave the nest until they are full adults or they want to move in with their partners. There is little ambition for independence -porteños will deny this-.

On the other hand –despite the first impression- BA is not the first world. There is an economic crisis every 10 years -I am 26 and have gone through 3-. Life has been getting more and more expensive for locals, even public education. This is why many university students prefer to stay at their parents´ and start to work to afford education expenses.

 

So, usually, it is people from the provinces -who are obliged to move to BA to study- who rent and share appartments among themselves.

 

Therefore, what one can find to rent are several rooms in a family house, many shared appartments with other foreign students but only some rooms (of different quality) in a place shared with an Argentinian young person.

 

If a lucky soul can find an acceptable room -I know 3 places-, then they might realize that it is not easy to live with a person you barely know in an environment not softened by the tourist system. This is not necessarily bad. Both people will go through good and bad moments but, after all, real ones.

 

So, don´t give up. Other ways to meet locals, coming soon.